Self-Care Strategies: Practice Positivity and Gratitude

"If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain." - Dolly Parton

When you read that quote, do you focus on the rain? Or on the rainbow?

When we actively focus on the positive more than the negative, we acknowledge the rain, but we're focused on that rainbow.

Another example? Spend some time thinking about the friendly smile you got at the grocery store, rather than focusing on the bad experience while you were driving there.

Here is a great article from MayoClinic.org “Positive thinking: Stop negative self-talk to reduce stress” Don’t have time to read it yourself? Here’s a summary.

Positive thinking starts with “self-talk” – the unspoken thoughts running through your head at all times. They can be positive or negative. So how do you identify if your self-talk is positive or negative?

Examples of negative self-talk include:

Filtering – Focusing on the negative aspects of a situation and filtering out all the positive ones.

Personalizing – Blaming yourself when something bad happens.

Catastrophizing – Automatically thinking that the worst thing that could happen is going to happen.

Blaming – Not taking responsibility for the things that happen to you – it’s always someone else’s fault.

“Should” – Getting upset with yourself for all the things you think you should have done.

Magnifying – Making mountains out of mole hills.

Perfectionism – Setting yourself up for failure by setting impossible standards.

Polarizing – Everything has to be good or bad… there is no middle ground.

Learn how to focus on positive self-talk:

Identify areas to change – What do you usually think about negatively? Find one thing to focus on with a positive thought.

Check yourself – Throughout the day, check on what you’re thinking. If it’s mostly negative, try to flip it and put a positive spin on it.

Be open to humor – Allow yourself to smile or laugh out loud. Especially when things feel negative. Look for the humor in everyday things.

Follow a healthy lifestyle – You’ve heard it before and you’ll hear it again. Exercise can positively affect mood and reduce stress. A healthy diet is good fuel for your body and mind. Get enough sleep and utilize stress management techniques that work for you.

Surround yourself with positive people – They say misery loves company. But negative people may increase your stress level and make it harder for you to tackle stress in healthy ways.

Practice, practice, practice – Positive thought takes practice, especially if your negative self-talk is strong. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to anyone else’s face. Be gentle. Be encouraging with yourself. If negative thoughts come into your head, think of each one like an incoming baseball and knock it into right field. Block it like a left hook. Shield yourself like a gladiator… or Surround yourself with loving light.

Practice putting positive thinking to work

If negative self-talk says, “I’ve tried it before. It’s too complicated.” Tell yourself, “I’ll tackle it from a different angle.”

Instead of “I’m too lazy to get this done.” Tell yourself, “I couldn’t fit it into my schedule, but I can re-examine some priorities.”

Last thought of the article

“When your state of mind is generally optimistic, you’re better able to handle everyday stress in a more constructive way. That ability may contribute to the widely observed health benefits of positive thinking.”

Now about that rain

It happens. Negative, unfortunate things happen in our lives. Some types of negativity, we can influence. Others we cannot. But we can cope with negativity we experience by incorporating gratitude into our lives.

Here is a very good article about practicing gratitude from PositivePsychology.com “20 Gratitude Exercises & Activities to Boost Wellbeing.” Pick one or two exercises from the list in the article. Just like positive self-talk, gratitude takes practice.

Make a list of things you're grateful for each day. At the beginning of the day, the end, or whenever you need to remind yourself to be grateful. You could put it in that journal we talked about in the second post in our Self-Care Series: Have you tried Journaling?

Take a moment each day to say, to no one in particular, "thank you." For what? For whatever! Sunshine on your face. Shade from a tree in the heat of summer. No line at the gas station. The crackle from the fire in your woodstove. Or say thank you for the rain because there might be a rainbow on the other side.